I,m so sick of this dam war I lost my best friend today

I lost my friend Yesterday during a road side bomb whyle he was on patrol. I am so sick of this crap so sick of this war well anywhey he sent us all an email before he left for his patrol Thought I would post it...

RIP Chis You will alyes be missed

The Sad, Sad, Thing Is

Have you ever wondered why some things remind you of certain things in your life? Like for example, when watching a movie and a person dies or something that changed there life happens you start to think about how the movie is just like your life. Well I was watching Forrest Gump and for the longest time I have always been thinking that I can do everything by myself, I never needed anyone. Because all my life I have been alone, never really knowing that I had people that cared about me till I was well about 18. I never really asked for help from anyone and I always put my emotions behind me.
Well I was so wrong. I need more help with things than I ever had. I joined the army to serve my country to help make things better for everyone. At least that’s why I thought I joined and now I realize I was hiding all my past to get away. I have wasted 4 years of my life for nothing but the ability to hide my emotions another day. I have wasted what little time I had with my brother because I couldn’t face my screw ups that I had made. I always ran or put them behind me never to touch that part of me where they hide.
I always come up with some lie so I can deal with my past another day.
I always wonder why I did it now I know it’s to hide. I never really think much about what I do until tonight. I really am sorry to all the people that I have hurt by lying to you or deceiving you in some way. I am sorry little brother for all the times I was not there and now for when I need someone most I can’t even be there. I need someone to help me.
PLEASE
I need someone to help me through this pain. I miss my real mother and I miss you lilttle brother. I am sorry I am never there for you. I miss having someone to count on. I miss being able to show emotion to anyone or anything. Now all I do is run. And it’s catching up to me. I am sitting here alone in a place I don’t belong for no reason but to hide the guilt and pity of myself.
Yeah I have come along way since high school and made some people proud but what for nothing but to hide from what I really felt deep inside. I want to be able to come home and spend the 4 years I have been running to catch up with my little brother. He has been there for me when I never realized it. I always wanted to know why we have to feel so alone before we realize anything. Why Why Why. Why has it taking me so long to realize that I have been running!
An NCO asked me the other day. He said you have done four years of service and done allot and seen even more. But what do you have to show for it? You know what I said NOTHING. I have nothing because I still believe in fast cars and freedom. Because I earned my money I spend it on ever little thing I find that I like. I would spend money on something I don’t need rather than to save a little.
I have paid more money to Tickets and Bills than I really needed to. All for nothing, but a good time. Now I have little less than two years left and I have nothing but a fast car to show four it. I don’t have a life or anything.
All my friends that I grew up with have wives and kids and are happy with everything they have. But me I have nothing but a broken heart.
I have learned that Iraq will make you realize how good you have it. Seeing how the Iraqi people love everything they have and how some live only in shacks made out of trash. While I have been here in Iraq I have learned more about me than I new. I know it don’t make sense but, really think about what you have to show for all of you’re so called screw ups and bad decisions. You have that lilttle boy or little girl; you have a place to lay your head, a roof over your head, food on the table, and a life. I have pain and suffering. Yeah I still have food, a shelter, and a so called great paying job. But every day I wake up to the same breakfast. And, the same meals all the time I have no room for that one little misplaced event in my day. I wear the same clothes every day sometimes even longer. I don’t get the luxury to eat where I want to for lunch. Sometimes I don’t even get off till the next day. And yet I still fight for our freedom as Americans to do everything we please even knowing the consequences. You know what Iraq is good for. Thinking! Realizing what you have and what you want to do with your life.
I mean have you ever been around someone that gets a letter from an old friend and is happier than ever. Well everyday at mail call you see the smiles and happiness go through so many faces to get a letter from home, but you really see the faces of disappointment when there name is not called. And how many people pus on day to day knowing there not going to get a letter from home even if it’s a bill. But every day there still there to see if they have a letter. That’s the Will to strive. Something I lost some while ago. The strive to let my emotions show. Now I hide behind them there my fuel my push onward every day as I realize more and more I AM ALONE or I thought I was. But I realize all my friends I have made while in the army and all there stories on why they joined.
The meaning of this is so I can express myself and ASK FOR HELP. I need it more than ever. I am so lost right now and alone it hurts so badly. To know I have wasted 4 years of my life for nothing to show. I had been away from my little brother for so long I don’t even remember what a child hood was. Growing up not really knowing who your family is. Moving from place to place every week only having the clothes on your back. Just to realize you’re hiding from your emotions. Well if this rambling makes any sense to anyone please help me

Roger, I am so sorry. I have no words. I am sorry for the loss of your friend and my prayers go out to Chris' family.

Roger I am so deeply sorry...

This is only the 5th person this has happened to the last time a group of friends of mine 4 of them actually they in a HUM V about 6 months ago Got hit with a morter attack all 4 of the army rangers unit died at the same time all verry good friends of mine. So far there is only one person THat i am good friends with his name is terry his daughter lives with us He still has 6 months left over there. He is the last person That i personally know over there.

i,m getting used to the fact that IRAQ is a place to die. God help all the soldiers that come home alive and lets pray we pullout soon. We have lost our objective and its pointless to stay any longer

All of the young lives lost, it is so sad. It is very nice of you to let her stay with you, May God bless Terry and hope that he comes home to her. You are a great friend....

RIP Chris. Thank you for your sacrifice. You already did your time in Hell. You can now rest in peace.

Thanks CoolHandJean that was verry nice of you.

May god watch over Terry (and everyone serving) to come home safe to their families. How generous of you Roger to open your home to his daughter.

I'm sorry for your loss........

I know all to well what its like to loose a loved one

Soory to hear about that...may God bless his loved ones and bring them peace, some how.

damn, Rog.... SOOOOOO very sorry to be reading this now.....
i've not spoken to too many people that i deem to be sweeter or have as great a heart as you, Rog. seriously... and sincerely. from the very first time we spoke and each time inbetween, your kindness just eminates...
and it'd be SOOO like you to do this for a friend. remember, it all goes around~pay it forward.
RIP to your buddy and my thanks and appreciation to him for helping and TRYING to make sense of, what i think is a senseless situation.
God bless to all involved.

her dad just made it home for christmass he has to go back in febuary. He has 4 more months left.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to his family and to all those serving out country

I am glad your friend was able to come home for a bit and see his daughter I am sure she is so happy. My cousin came home last week as well. He just re-enlisted for the 3rd time, so may he and everyone else be safe.

really sorry to hear that. I have a friend in the marines, he is over there, and i couldnt imagine if something happened to him, gotta stay strong, and I am sure he is still with you.